Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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