my soul wont recognize me after tonight
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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