saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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