I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize