if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
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