First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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