Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
