I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
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