ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
