yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
