I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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