There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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