Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
