i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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