My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
