Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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