She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
