Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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