She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
