i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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