I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
