my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize