There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
