Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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