We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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