I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
