my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
