I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So many bounce houses so little time
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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