So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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