go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
