There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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