I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
