he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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