Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize