My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
