I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
