Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I skipped work to stalk him.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
