like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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