Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
a search helicopter?!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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