this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
