My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
