Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
