Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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