i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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