i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
