i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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