I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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