Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
