no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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