His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
