you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
