I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Disclaimer- Donβt worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
