I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
