just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
