I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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