question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Pooping to opera.
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