thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
