fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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