I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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