I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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