I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize
