she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
