He uses pillows to masturbate.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
