It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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