i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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