Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize