Ketchup is God's man juice
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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