So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
