That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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