i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
