dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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