I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
