I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
