evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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