Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
